We don’t always get what we ask for.

Well, hello there.

Where do I start?

I guess one could say I’m a victim of circumstance.

“Why?”, you ask?

My best friend hardly speaks to me because, until just recently, I liked his brother with everything I had in me. Don’t ask me what made him upset, he just is…and then there’s this guy….

Well, let me back up. WAY up.

*beep…beeeeeppp…..beep beep* April *beeeeeepppppp….beepbeep…..beep* March *……buh-BEEEEPPP……..* January

So, here we are in January. Hot Hearts 2012. Skillet concert. 2 day event. Thousands of Godly people under one roof. Pretty legit stuff.

Well, I decided it would be a fantastic event to invite my friend Garrett Houseman; my BEST FRIEND OF ALL TIME Reagan Lightfoot; his brother Luke, who is a grade below us; their cousin Jake, who has always had a crush on me (I never gained interest).

And yes, in case you were wondering, I DO enjoy hanging out with a bunch of guys. A lot of girls in one spot is drama waiting to happen. I much prefer guys.

Now, Luke is a handsome fellow. I’m not gonna lie about that. He is also WAY more mature than Reagan, much less any other guy I knew up until that point. My mom says he’s a mini-adult, that he’ll be the best grown-up ever. He knows how to put in hard work and he has views on things that I would expect to hear from my father. What’s great is he can still act lik the 13-almost-14-year-old that he is. He isn’t an adult 100% of the time. Among other things, he has glasses, dark wavy hair, deep chocolate eyes, big lips (people say we could be brother and sister), and is about 5’9”, 5’10”-ish.
Don’t ask me why, but I tend to be attracted to guys with glasses. Don’t judge, I just do.

Well, the six of us in our Hot Hearts group find a spot high up and almost right on center. Pretty good view. The boys, excluding Luke, were aways running around. Bathroom breaks, soft pretzel runs, you name it. Reagan even ditched us most of the time for a nasty little 8th grade harlet named Kaylan from PNG (pardon my French).

But that’s another story.

So, most of the time, it was solely Luke who stuck by me. Which I thought was very polite, by the way. I don’t know what made us do it. I hadn’t really liked him before…but we just started cuddling…leaning up against each other…..holding hands……

I figure you must be wondering what happened next….the answer is nothing more. See, I’m REALLY not one for cuddling. I’m just not a touchy-feely type of person. If, for some reason, I’m in the mood and find you extremely attractive, we might hold hands. If I SERIOUSLY like you, I’d let you kiss me. But, in general, I’m not a touchy-feely person. I’m not kidding. I rarely hug and kiss my parents. It’s not that I don’t love them. They’re fantastic. They’re the reason I am who I am. I just don’t like touching.

So, on the bus rides on the way, on the way back, to get food, etc., Luke would try to tickle me and mess with me, and we’d hold hands, but that was it. I didn’t let anything else happen. Not only was I not comfortable with anything else, I was scared. I mean, he’s still in junior high. What would everyone say?

It got to the point where I wouldn’t let him touch me at all. I think he was getting to clingy for me and he just wouldn’t leave me alone sometimes. What’s crazy is HE got upset with ME because I wouldn’t do anything, so we broke it off. He is now dating a girl his age named Emily Lewis. I’m happy for him. He was too much like my little brother to begin with.

Well, between Hot Hearts and Emily, we were back and forth about us…..should we do this? Do we WANT to do this?

Reagan became very upset with us because we hadn’t stopped talking. I don’t understand what his deal is……he likes to leave me up on….a shelf of sorts. No one can ever get me down from the shelf because no one is ever good enough.

Which brings me to Aaron Baker.

Aaron and I have been in Wind Ensemble all year together, but that was the only we have. He’s a senior. I’m a freshman. He’s a techy nerd into Meatloaf and computers. He even won a state competition and will go to Kansas (?) to represent the state of Texas. I am more athletic. I play soccer. I cheer. We didn’t seem to have anything in common, so we never spoke to each other.

That all changed at Disney World.

My original group at Disney was….well….to put it lightly….poo. Kaitlyn Roschke was being a poo-head, Clair wanted to walk with the Security Guards (d’whaaaaaa????), and Savannah and Cheyenne were chilling with us sometimes, but didn’t do everything we did. So, mostly, it was Kaitlin Ricks, her boyfriend at the time, James Bothwell, Aaron, and myself. Just the four of us. Almost all rides at Disney are designed to seat pairs. What did that mean for me? Well, Kaitlin and James obviously didn’t want to split up, so that meant I was destined to ride next to Aaron.

At first, I was like “Wooooo………someone I don’t even know……I’ve never heard this guy talk. I wonder what he’s like……”.

But then we started talking.

And we talked some more.

Then we talked a little more.

At this point, we’re at the last day of Disney. I was really starting to like him. He’s a complete gentleman, and although very nerdy, we have a lot of the same interests and he’s very fun to talk to.

My problem: He wasn’t acting interested AT ALL. He got to where he would look away from me more than he would look at me. He started getting quieter and quieter.

It’s 6:00. Aaron’s parents had made reservations to eat in an authentic German restaurant in Epcot. I thought that we might talk more once we sat down……it was the exact opposite. At 6:30, we were lead to a table right by the dance floor, and I absolutely had a ball once the band started playing. I went to the restroom, blotted my glistening face, and touched myself up. I thought “This is it. This is the night. I’ve found him.”

By 9:00, the fireworks had started….no, I mean Disney had a fireworks show. But I was hoping for some fireworks of my own. After what seemed like forever, I began setting myself up for compliments and pickup lines because this was obviously difficult for him. “Wow, I love these fireworks tonight. They’re gorgeous”, I would say. I got no response. When the last firework popped, I knew it was over. My plans and hopes were ruined. He was staying in Disney, and I was going back home to Texas right then. It took everything in me not to cry my eyes out right there. At that moment, I knew he wasn’t interested. I got on my assigned bus, ready to cry myself to sleep.

To my astonishment, I received a message from Aaron on my phone. I feel terrible about this part. I don’t remember if it was in my texts, or if it was on Facebook, or even what it said. All I know is I felt warm and fuzzy inside the second I read it, just as I had at Disney, and I regained hope.

We texted from then on. Sometimes he likes to call me after 9:00 on the weekends so we can talk for as long as we want for free. Verizon is cool like that.

My new problem: He wouldn’t say a word to me in person.

Thank God we’re past that point. It took him a solid month to gain courage to say “Hi”. It even took him 2 and a half weeks to ask me to prom.

I found this information out originally from Slade Goode, who I met at church a few weeks ago. He came with a few of my friends. Love ya, Slade!

Unfortunately, my parents aren’t allowing me to attend prom, for many reasons. The main one being Aaron is three years my senior, and I’m just too young.

I know what you’re thinking. If it took him a month to talk to me, why would they be worried he’d take advantage?

Well, it’s my parents we’re talking about. It wouldn’t matter if Aaron were a true heaven-sent angel or the Devil, he’s three years my senior. It’s just their rules.

Aaron is graduating on Saturday, May 26, 2012. I’m staying at Vidor High School for 3 more years. We have less than three weeks of seeing each other every day. I’m still not sure where he plans on going to college, but for my selfish sake, I pray it’s not far. I’m not going to make him stay though. It’s all about what he wants.

Say whatever you want. “Why do you go for weirdos?” “What is this spectacle fetish you have?” “I can’t believe you’re going after someone three years ahead of you!” “He’s such a nerd!” “What does he play again? What’s a bari sax? That sounds dumb.” Even…..”You’re not going to…GET ANYWHERE…with him?!”

My answer to all those questions: Aaron IS nerd, and proud to be, and no, I’m not going to be stupid and just give myself away. Aaron is a sweetheart. He made my Geometry Video for me so I wouldn’t completely fail the class. He never makes fun of me or calls me names. He’s constantly thinking of me. He dreams about me quite often. It may be silently, but he’s fighting to make this work. He texts and calls constantly, and never gets upset when I fall asleep listening to his voice. He’s not just a senior with some special accomplishment. He may not have EXACTLY the looks I’ve dreamed of and seen in Disney movies all my life, but he’s something special.

Anyway….I don’t know what’s going through Luke’s head…or Reagan’s…or even Aaron’s….but I guess you could say that, no matter what happens, for now, I’m off that shelf.

You don’t need to search for a girl or run after a girl. That’s not how you find her. All you gotta do is aim for God and start running. Soon, you’ll notice someone else running beside you, maybe even faster than you. That’s who you’ll want to go for.

My Favorite Band(s) - Stevie Ray Vaughn and Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Now, judging by my looks and the things I’m involved in, you wouldn’t think I enjoy listening to these people. But, you know, there isn’t much music that I DON’T like. Honestly, I will listen to almost anything, except for maybe Spanish music on the radio and bluegrass. Oh, and those black guys that autotune everything they rap.

yourestellar:

I’ve never gotten any of this stuff though.
But it’s worth a try. ‘Cause you guys are cool. 
Right? You are cool, right? 

ericabrownnxo:

pretty please?

I really don’t cuss, but I thought this was hilarious :)

changing-scenery:

PPLLEEAASSEEE!!